Sometimes I feel like I'm living a lie. I'm finally coming out, er, clean. I hate sports. I don't know the first thing about football. Or basketball. Or fantasy foosball. I've lived with this secret for as long as I can remember.For my entire life people have engaged me with questions like, "Dude, did you see Lebron James hit that homerun for the Jaguars last night?" No. No, I didn't.
Yesterday in Boston, a guy at the airport ticket counter asked me if I was going to Phoenix "to see the big game." I mumbled something about having to work then let my voice trail off in quiet embarassment. Could he smell the stink of my deceit? If I had the slightest idea of what "big game" he was referencing, maybe I could have mustered up a believable excuse.*
But I have tried. Oh, how I have tried. I'll watch MLB's League Championships and The World Series. I have even lingered on a hockey game and a NASCAR race. And I've always enjoyed playing sports. But even the sports I have played, and played with some degree of talent, I might add, can be fairly categorized as weird: waterpolo, ping pong, and ultimate frisbee.
I have learned to hide my sporting obtuseness. I can usually ask a harmless follow-up question that will preserve my facade without leading to additional conversation. So if you're discussing the "big game" last night and I am smiling and nodding politely, chances are I have no idea what you are talking about. I don't even know what channel ESPN is on.
*Turns out he was wondering if I was going to the Fiesta Bowl. On the flight home I was thinking about his inquiry and the only "big game" I knew of was the Superbowl, over a year away.
Ed. Note: These people really don't like sports. I actually wish I liked sports. Life would be easier that way.
It's too bad you missed the Fiesta Bowl. I'm not a sports fan too, but that game was FANTASTIC!
ReplyDeleteTo tell you the truth.. in the last few minutes, it rose above being just a game, but a battle of wills. It became personal.
You are wicked pathetic. Get out of the closet already!
ReplyDeleteI can relate. I'm the same way. I always duck sports conversations because I don't know what to say. The superbore is the only "big game" I'm aware of too! And I also don't know what channel ESPN is on. When I hear people talk sports, it's like, Damn, how did they learn so much about it?! But I don't care now. I won't change. I just have to face up to 'em and let 'em know, Hey! I don't watch sports! I don't know what the heck you're talking about!
ReplyDeleteHa ha! Thanks for your brilliant blog. I'm a guy who hates wathcing sports too and those embarrasing questions are all too familiar! Ironically, I'm a "man's man", go to gym every day and am phyically very fit, while the guys asking the sports questions are usually out of shape. While I mumble through my sports ignorance, I keep in mind that on Saturday afternoons while they watch sports, probably without their women, I'm usually getting it on with my wife of 14 years. I think that's way WAY better than watching sports on TV!!
ReplyDeleteWe are a nation of couch potatoes. I love playing sports but think watchers ought to get a life. Good for you!
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