How to protect yourself from airborne fecal matter

Yesterday there were some crazy winds here.  Crazy like trees knocked down, dogs blown into swimming pools, and planes levitating crazy.  Thankfully I completed my run in the early morning before the worst of the hard blowing commenced.  By 10 am, it was Kansas just before Dorthy vacated.

As an added bonus the wind kicked up an estimated 17 billion tons of dust, pollen, leaves, and landscaper business cards and sent it hurtling across the desert.  I didn't see anyone running yesterday afternoon and with good reason.  The air was thick with disgustingness.  It was all too similar to southern Afghanistan, except without as much airborne fecal matter (I hope).

If yesterday's air quality (think Beijing with cacti) were a regular occurrence here, I would probably find myself running with a respirator.  Commonly referred to as a "gas mask" or "meth cook's PPE", a respirator is designed to filter out pollution and poop particles before you breathe them in. 

Is it advisable or even possible to run while wearing a respirator?  Maybe and yes.

Although technically not a respirator, there are "sport" dust masks available to provide some protection against airborne pollutants.  Or you could get a 20-pack of dust masks at Home Depot for less than the cost of a single "sport" mask.  Not ready to make the commitment to air filtration by way of facial accoutrement?  Try breathing through your nose.  When run is complete (or mid-run) blow out the mess of goo collected in your nasal cavity.  Problem solved.

And I can personally attest that running in a full-face respirator is only slightly preferable to actually breathing airborne fecal matter.  While in Afghanistan I once (and only once) ran seven miles in an M45 mask.  I thought my face was going to liquify from heat.  But it was an interesting challenge trying to keep from hyperventilating. 

Three years ago, a motivated Devil Dog set the word record at the Marine Corps Marathon for running in a gas mask.  Apparently he has been surpassed by a few other masqueraders since his initial attempt and subsequent record.

So if you are a mouth breather, meth cooker, zombiephobe, or just allergic to ragweed, head down to The Surplus Superstore: Serving Paranoia and Paramilitary, and stock up on any variety of doomsday headwear.  Your bronchioles thank you.