I would not classify myself as an overly stinky person. I've never been told I stink by anyone other than my wife. And to be fair, she has the scent tracking ability of a bloodhound and the odor discernment of a truffle pig.
This skill may be hereditary because my children have an odd fascination with stink. They have a creepy habit of smelling my shoes and clothes immediately following the completion of a run. And they don't just attempt to get a whiff of odor, they love to get their faces deep into my shoes and socks and inhale the heady aroma of sweat and feet. Repeatedly. Because they think it is funny.
And their critique of my manly fragrance following yesterday's 12-mile run? "Daddy, you smell like cat pee."
Really? I smell-checked my shirt and they were right. Cat pee. Or maybe cat pee mixed with windex, but either way, definitely heavy notes of ammonia. What could this mean? Usually, and this according to my wife, I just smell like dirt. Dirt, like soil and dust, which in my opinion is preferable to the other b.o. classifications of butt, old person stink, or hot trash.
A quick Google search for "sweat smells like ammonia" revealed that I may:
1. Have renal failure. Impossible! My kidneys were stolen from me in 1997 and sold on the black market.
2. Have been a victim of cat marking by one or both of our cats. Possible. We are in a protracted turf war and I have (unsuccessfully) tried to mark our guest bathroom as my territory. I refuse to cede.
3. Be burning muscle for fuel while running. Possible. Running Doctor reports that eating more carbohydrates before a run could eliminate the ammonia stink. Done and done.
From now on I will fuel with asparagus in an attempt to have my sweat smell like dirt again and my pee smell like vegetables.
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