Slow down, Tubby!

I love to eat.  And fast.  I've always been good at consuming a large amount of food in a very, very short time.  Call it nutritional efficiency.  No time for conversation, breathing, chewing, or looking around.  Just stab, bite, swallow, repeat.

For my caloric maintenance, a big component is slowing the physical act of moving food from plate to mouth.  Sounds simple, but for me it takes work, patience, and practice.

Today I had some assistance in the way of major dental surgery.  That isn't my mouth, but it looks just like mine.  I had a crown lengthening on one of my top front teeth.  Luckily, I can still eat regular foods and not just hamburger smoothies.

Since I can only chew with my back teeth, I spent at least 30 minutes eating two bowls of homemade turkey chili and cornbread.  The protein and fiber in the chili is naturally filling and I was well past the 20 minute mark when the brain and digestive system coordinate a sensation of fullness.

How to eat slower without resulting to oral surgery?  Here's nine good ways.

Or you could could buy this $99 fork.  It's a fork!  Which costs $99.  And tells you that you are eating too fast.  Do not attempt to bring this fork to a restaurant in your pocket.  Because it's a fork.  Which costs $99.  But if you decide to risk fork-transport and are seen in a restaurant, toting your very own ridiculously colored $99 vibrating fork, you may be mocked by other patrons while eating, which would definitely slow you down.  So it probably does work.

Image courtesy The Simpsons and educational filmstrip The Moon of Earth.

I need to take a peep.

Oh emm gee.  I ate so much candy with the family this morning that the rest of day was spent wishing the Easter Bunny also delivered insulin.

Coming down from my sugar high, I began to search for my next fix.  I found it in Caramelpalooza 2013.  And I want to be a judge.  That way I can get loaded up on all the best product for free.

There is a poetry contest and the winner gets to be a judge of the confectionery submissions from the greater Phoenix area.  I didn't know the Valley of the Sun was also a hotbed for cooked sugar, but whatever.  My entry, a haiku:


orbs from crystals rise
tempered with Poseidon's ore
caramel magic

Peep floating in a toilet AND haiku?  Sugar madness.

Portable Protein

You're busy.  So is everyone else, myself included.  You prioritize your day so that sometime between working, taking care of the children, eating, cleaning the house, doing laundry, playing with the children, bathing the children, and bathing yourself, you can actually make time to workout.

And how to get your much needed protein after strength training or a long run?  You could stuff some mutton in your pockets to snack on later.  Although fairly mobile when alive, once cooked, mutton doesn't travel well.

You could opt for a protein bar, but they are usually quite expensive, most of them have a chalky/filmy/fake taste, and none of them pack nearly as much protein as my favorite post-workout recovery meal: whey protein powder.

Whey protein, and most other similar powdered protein supplements, are easy to store and mix.  The key to protein portability is a Blender Bottle.  The Blender Bottle contains a springy stainless steel wire ball that helps to mix the powder.  Scoop in powder, add water, snap the secure lid on, and shake.

Tip: I add a couple of tablespoons of powdered milk to help with creaminess.

Scoop your protein in the bottle the night before and toss into your bag or purse.  The bottle lid and spout cover are very secure and I've never had a problem with leaks or spillage.  When you're ready to drink it, just add some water and shake.

And it tastes way better than mutton.